Zombies Will Tear Us Apart

So, today Nowhereville had its own little game of Humans vs Zombies. Held at the one place large enough to accommodate such a massive amount of zombies, it was meant to be a day of fun, adrenaline rushes, and good, wholesome zombie killing action. I had successfully persuaded the good ol' boy toy into coming along (although he's not much of one to do these sort of things). In retrospect, BAD IDEA.

So our story begins when I arrived home from a hard day's work. I was previously told that in order to do anything (although zombie killing was not mentioned of quite yet), I had to actually do a bit of homework and finish reading part 1 of Beloved (quick side note: amazing book, I suggest it for a good read). So, in a very Lauren-ish fashion, I scanned through what I already knew, and only read the seemingly important parts. I finished the task quite quickly (although slow enough that I was now already late) and went to inform the madre of where I was headed to. This is the first downer of the day. She, as she seems to always do, throws a fit about me driving all the way downtown, like it's some feat that I can't accomplish on my own. So I fight back, stating that it's not far at all, the big game is on tonight so there'll be no traffic to or from, and that I'm old enough to do things by myself without her needing to throw a hissy fit. She eventually gives in (now that I'm a nice 35 minutes late) and I set out on my way. Here's the kicker: I have never driven downtown and don't know where to park or anything. Which is where we come to fiasco numero dos.

I find my way downtown and exit off onto 3rd Street. The waterfront (where we're holding this mass attack) is behind me closer to 2nd and 1st Street, and I'm on a one way. Long, epic story short, I drive around literally in a circle for about an hour and a half, drive through a parking garage and ask where the nearest ATM is, drive around for another half hour trying to find a) said ATM, and b) a place to park long enough so that I can get money out to then pay for a parking spot, find a broken meter and book it to a totally different ATM, drive around for another 10 minutes trying to relocate the parking garage, pay, park, walk for 20 minutes in the wrong direction, turn around, walk another 20 minutes in the right direction, all the while trying to call my boyfriend who, although said he was going to be late but wasn't, is totally useless in helping through all of the previously mentioned fails. *takes breath* Now... now that I've finally found my boyfriend and his friend that I had no idea was coming along, we begin the fun part: Zambie Killing!!

Death to zombies and then death to humans goes on for a few hours, growing less and less organized and more and more like an actual zombie apocalypse, but I'm enjoying every minute of it. Cody, however, is growing a lot less interested. Now, this could be due to the fact that I came very unprepared: I had no Nerf weapon, no bandanna to identify me with, no socks, nothing; I had to resort to using his bandanna while he used his socks (which were previously zombie killing weapons) as a bandanna, and to stealing his Nerf sword for protection. I eventually found myself a Nerf gun, but I insisted on keeping the sword too.

So the night drifts onward, and a third game comes around, with a now smaller playing field (we couldn't use a certain area as a safe zone any longer). So humans became zombies much faster than before, which was fine because I was now part of the zombie hoard. Cody was too, although somewhere along the way he managed to lose his socks turned bandanna. Now, this didn't start off to be a problem, until someone noticed and asked him where his bandanna was. The Final Fail of the Night: Cody vs random guy vs Lauren. Ding ding! Go!

He and Cody got into it about the bandanna until it eventually ended with a big "Fuck you, man" coming from Cody. I, however, was in the background while this quarrel was taking place beckoning Cody to chill and just find another bandanna or something. It was just a game after all, nothing to get pissed off about. But no, he has to take it a step further after I pull him away from a fight about to happen.

"I would still have my bandanna if you hadn't taken it."

I'm sorry, you didn't want to play in the first place, so why all of a sudden now? So I tell him fine, he can have his bandanna, I'm through with tonight (for the record, he's always like this: pessimistic, ready to fight about anything, just a total downer. It really starts to piss me off, i.e. tonight). I tell him to hand over my keys, that I'm walking back to my car and leaving. Well, what does he do? Follows me, tries to ask me what's wrong (as if he couldn't tell), and then throws a sword at a wall after I ignore him, dodge past people to avoid him, and keep walking.

I don't know what it is, but I'm slowly falling out of love with him. Every little thing that he does pisses me off. I'd like to just throw the blame on something else (PMS, depression, my finicky personality) but no matter what, I know it's just something about him. The problem is, I don't know what specifically. Like, tonight I know it's because of his attitude and his pessimism that brought me down when I was having fun. He turned something that I had looked forward to for a couple of weeks now into a full blown disaster. But other times, I haven't the slightest idea what it is. Maybe we weren't meant to be like we've thought for so long. Hell, I even was tempted to throw my engagement ring out into the middle of the nastiest river this side of the Rio Grande (I was only halted by the selflessness I hold for him and what he spent on that damn thing). I know, at this moment, that I don't want to marry him, but I don't even know if I want to stay with him any longer or not. One side of me loves him while the other is painfully annoyed by everything he does or says. I know that I'm young and my emotions are fleeting, but this is absurd. I don't want to end everything on such a bitter note, but I don't want to just break up with him out of the blue. Sigh..

Something else, that honestly has little to do with breaking up with him, but I mentioned (well, actually went into gross detail about) a certain event that was thankfully (depends on how you look at it) avoided at a very special place of mine. I don't honestly know why I told him, but I could tell it scared him a bit. The thought of losing me is one that he never wants to think about, but he almost did tonight, in a different sense of the phrase. ... Well, what do you know? It did have a lot to do with breaking up with him. Huh, funny... morbidly.

So what do you think? Keep him or lose him? On one hand, he keeps me mentally stable, but on the other he's driving me insane. Maybe I should ask him? Maybe I should actually talk to him rather than freak him out with previous death threats or sit quietly waiting for something to happen? I don't know. All I know is that it's getting mighty late and that I've got work in the morning. I bid you all good night. I hope this has been a little insight on what's going on in my forever worrying mind. Adios, sheep.

~ Misery Chick